Your Funny, Clean Joke of the Day
‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa was a wreck …
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves“,
“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
A Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining“, he said to his wife.
“No, that felt more like snow to me”, she replied.
“No, I’m sure it was just rain” he said.
Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a Communist Party official walking toward them.
You know you’re having a redneck Christmas if…
A young lady needed a new dress office Christmas party. She went shopping at a boutique at the mall where she had seen a lovely dress displayed in the store window. She approached a saleswoman and asked, “Excuse me. Would it be possible for me to try on that dress in the window, please?”
“Certainly not, madam,” replied the saleswoman, indignant, “You’ll have to use the fitting room, just like everyone else.”
Lucy lost her handbagin the hustle and bustle of shopping.
A small boy found it and he returned to her. Looking in her purse, Lucy reasoned, ‘Hmmm…. that’s strange. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bills in it. Now there are four $5 bills.’
The boy quickly replied with a charming smile, ‘That’s right, the last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.’
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
A friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-Wheel drive vehicles.”
“She did,” he replied, “But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!!”
The IAMS Pet Professionals, a team of 30 trained customer service representatives at The Iams Company, handle more than 300,000 inquiries a year from pet owners across the country.
Although the majority of calls to the toll-free number are straightforward pet care and nutrition questions, some can be quite unconventional. Here are some of the team’s favorite calls this year:
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