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How to Write a Term Paper

  1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
  2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
  3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
  4. Stop off at another floor on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn’t started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-through plastic folders, drop him.
  5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
  6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
  7. You know, you haven’t written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You’d better write that letter now, that ways you can concentrate.
  8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
  9. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that’s it, I really mean it, as soon as it’s over you are going to start that paper.
  10. Listen to the other side.
  11. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
  12. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he’s started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the university, and the world at large.
  13. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
  14. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor its special flavor.
  15. Check the TV Guide to make sure you aren’t missing something truly worthwhile on TV (like Monday Night Football).
    NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon, is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions:
    1. Pro Bowler’s Tour
    2. Any movie starring Don Ameche.
  16. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel 26.
  17. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot, even if he wasn’t watching.
  18. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
  19. Look through your roommate’s book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.
  20. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
  21. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
  22. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
  23. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it.
  24. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
  25. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
  26. Look at the clock a realize you have fifteen minutes until the paper is due.
  27. Leap up and sit at the computer.
  28. Type the paper in 10 minutes.
  29. Spell check.
  30. Complain to everyone that you didn’t get any sleep because you had to write that stupid term paper.
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Comments

  5. one of those who would prefer the lists stay in alphabetical order. I think our database lists in any given subject area are enough where a customer could easily see, by the number of stars, which one(s) rank highest, without the most popular being on top. The value our customers place in the databases would still be shown, but the lists would be easily searched because they would be in alphabetical order. I would be interested to hear other opinions.

    Reply

  6. i had that same problem for an essay having to write for my enghlish class. i asked my dad (dumb move, technology challenged-lol) and he just said to "enter" twice. so what done.

    later tater!

    Reply

  9. I love when people have photo shoots of themselves in a bathroom mirror… Makes me feel better about myself lol

    Reply

  11. It happens so often with students who are assigned complicated term papers by their professors that they don’t have any past experience in making such academic papers and all they wish for is buying term papers or research essays online.

    Reply

  12. I turned in a mid-term paper this morning without even reading it..Lord knows how many errors there are, I just hope it kind of makes sense

    Reply

  14. Oh, good. Fifteen minutes of working on my plow stops, and I feel much better about the state of my skating. (I wanna go again!)

    Reply

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