COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT…

Screen capture from the Internet Archive, taken from "This Is Your Life Lou Costello". Around the 00:48 mark. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

ABBOTT: Abbott’s computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why?? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.  What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue “W”.

COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue “w” if you don’t start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon.  What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: If it’s a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4.  Can I watch them?

ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: OK, I’m at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue “1″.

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue “1″.

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT: The blue “1″ is Real One and the blue “W” is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there are three words in “office for windows”!

ABBOTT: No, just one.  But it’s the most popular Word in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren’t many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word.  Real One isn’t even part of Office.

COSTELLO: STOP! Don’t start that again. What about financial bookkeeping?  You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later…)

ABBOTT: Abbott’s computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on “START.”


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Comments

  1. C.A.Margonper says:

    I never knew that could be done with our camera. Now I have to try something similar. I could have done it last night as we were doing a beach bonfire for supper. I should have read your blog first.

    A couple months ago I took the Subway from Jersey to Manhattan and they were doing the same thing with the bikes at no extra charge. I love it.

    When I was young I used to take the bus between Ottawa and Montreal brnging my bike at no extra charge. Great way to move around and between cities.

  2. The blue "e" you see is the Microsoft Internet Explorer icon. This is the default browser for most computers. When you first get your computer, Internet Explorer is the internet browser you will have. When you get internet you can get different browsers that have different icons. For example my browser is Mozilla Firefox which is represented by a a fox on a blue globe.

  3. charpoolsk says:

    I think that Bruce Lee could take Lou Costello, easy. Bud Abbot, not so sure…As far as the word salad of the world as compared to the Egyptian god Horus, you try walking around with a bird head on your shoulders for your whole life. not easy! And you have to balance the crown of the upper and lower Nile on your head, too. a fashion nightmare!

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