I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a femaleÂ driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing theÂ driver to swerve onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her.Â This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung hisÂ arm out his window and made an obscene gesture at the woman.
“Man, that guy is stupid,” I thought to myself. I alwaysÂ smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a femaleÂ does anything to me in traffic and here’s why: I drive 48Â miles each way every day to work; that’s 96 miles each day.Â Of these, 16 miles each way are bumper-to-bumper. Most ofÂ the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8-lane highway. There are 7Â cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982Â cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.
Even though the rest of the 32 miles is notÂ bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4,000Â cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 carsÂ that I pass every day. Statistically, females drive half ofÂ these. That’s 18,000 women drivers! In any given group ofÂ females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That’s 642. According toÂ Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfyingÂ or unrewarding. That’s 449. According to the NationalÂ Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriouslyÂ considered suicide or homicide. That’s 98. And 34% describeÂ men as their biggest problem. That’s 33. According to theÂ National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons,Â and this number is increasing.
That means that every single day, I drive past at least oneÂ female who has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggestÂ problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, hasÂ PMS, and is armed.
I think I’ll be nice!
- Bumper Sticker People (economicnoise.com)
- First Serious Driving Blooper (murphykatigbak.wordpress.com)
- Foiled! (shadowrun300.wordpress.com)