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Conflicting Sayings

247/365. Mightier. (Photo credit: Anant N S (www.thelensor.tumblr.com))

 

Have you ever thought about the fact that there is a saying for just about any situation? There are so many proverbs that you can find wise sayings that say the opposite. Here are a few examples:

 

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Actions speak louder than words. The pen is mightier than the sword.
Look before you leap. He who hesitates is lost.
Many hands make light work. Too many cooks spoil the broth.
A silent man is a wise one. A man without words is a man without thoughts.
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
Clothes make the man. Don’t judge a book by its cover.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Better safe than sorry.
The bigger, the better. The best things come in small packages.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Out of sight, out of mind.
What will be, will be. Life is what you make it.
Cross your bridges when you come to them. Forewarned is forearmed.
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. One man’s meat is another man’s poison.
With age comes wisdom. Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings come wisdom.
The more, the merrier. Two’s company; three’s a crowd

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Post-Fireworks Lockdown

English: Fireworks on the Fourth of July (Photo credit: Wikipedia)Mary and Lucy were in the parking lot after the big fireworks show and 4th of July celebrations, trying to unlock the door of Mary’s car with a coat hanger because they had accidentally left the keys in the car.

“I can’t seem to get this door unlocked!” Mary complained to Lucy, trying desperately to maneuver the coat hanger.

“Well, I wish you would hurry up,” Lucy replied. “It’s starting to rain and the top is down!”

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Things Mom Would Never Say

Family watching television, c. 1958

Image via Wikipedia

1. “How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?”

2. “Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too.”

3. “Just leave all the lights on … it makes the house look more cheery.”

4. “Let me smell that shirt — Yeah, it’s good for another week.”

5. “Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I’ll be glad to feed and walk him every day.”

6. “Well, if Timmy’s mom says it’s OK, that’s good enough for me.”

7. “The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It’s not like I’m running a prison around here.”

8. “I don’t have a tissue with me … just use your sleeve.”

9. “Don’t bother wearing a jacket – the wind-chill is bound to improve.”

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Overdue Wedding Present

An ice cream maker. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Five years after my wife, Julia, and I were married, we received our final wedding gift – an ice-cream maker. In an attempt to cover procrastination with humor, the friend who sent it included a note: “I wanted to make sure the marriage would last.”

 

Julia wasn’t amused, but she thought the present deserved a thank-you note anyway, which she dutifully sent five years later.

 

Her note read: “I wanted to be sure the ice-cream maker would last.”

 

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Guardian Angel

The Guardian Angel (Photo credit: Wikipedia)A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, “If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.”

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.

Once again the voice shouted, “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.”

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

The man asked. “Who are you?”

“I am your guardian angel,” the voice answered.

“Oh, yeah?” the man exclaimed “And where

were you when I got married?”

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Super hero Joke

Special thanks goes to dailycleanjokes.com visitor Angie Vandyke for this great joke!

 

#05 TIHS / Incredible Hulk vs Dr.Beagle

 

What’s green and cries in the corner?
The Incredible Sulk

 

 

 

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