An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, “Stop! Acts 2:38!” (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.)
An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awaken from a good night’s sleep.
He takes her hand and she responds, “Don’t touch me. It’s time to cash in the insurance.”
“Why not?” he asks.
She answers back, “Because I’m dead.”
The husband says to her, “What are you talking about? We’re both lying here in bed together and talking to one another.”
Driving to a new restaurant, a woman took several wrong turns. When she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, “Why didn’t you tell me I was lost?”
“I thought you knew where you were going,” he replied. “You always let me know where we’re supposed to turn when I’m driving.”