Eating Healthy

Healthy Breakfast (Photo credit: SummerTomato)Deciding to eat healthier breakfasts, bachelor John declared that oatmeal would now be his cereal of choice.

But after eating his first bowl, he told his married sister, “I hope I develop a taste for the stuff. It goes down real
rough.”

“Well,” she asked, “how long did you cook it?”

“You’re supposed to cook it?”

Driving Phobia

I Need a Doctor (Photo credit: Wikipedia)A successful business man goes into the doctor to ask about some abnormal symptoms. The doctor asks him, “What problems are you experiencing?”

The business man tells the doctor, “I’m terrified of driving in dark places or with other people in the car.”

The doctor thinks for a minute then states, “That’s easy to solve. You have car-pool-tunnel syndrome.”

Most Dangerous Five Minutes of Your Life

The Arithmetic of Nurses (Photo credit: wgbhmorningstories)

A hospital posted a notice in the nurses’ break room saying: ”Remember, the first five minutes of a human being’s life are the most dangerous.”

Underneath, a nurse had written: ”The last five are pretty risky, too.”

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Naval Physical Exam

Army Sgt. Felepie Rodriguez, a medic assigned to Joint Task Force Guantanamo’s Joint Trooper Clinic, administers an intranasal flu vaccination to Navy Petty Officer 3rd Class Esteban Nunez, September 13, 2010.The JTC is conducting annual influenza vaccinations for JTF Guantanamo service members. (JTF Guantanamo photo by U.S. Navy Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Elisha Dawkins) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

At a naval barracks the enlisted men were being given their shots prior to going overseas.  One lad, having received his whole series of injections, asked for a glass of water.

“What’s the matter, Mate?” asked the sick bay attendant. “Do you feel light-headed?”

“No, just checking to see if I’m still watertight.”

From Beyond the Grave

mobile phones (Photo credit: phossil)

The doctor had just been buried. The last words of the service over, his friends and family started toward their cars.

However, they stopped because a strange, eerie sound suddenly was heard from the grave.

As the guests looked around, a colleague of the deceased said, “It’s nothing… just his cell phone.”

FDA Diet

Ong choy water spinach leaf. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Federal Drug and Food Administration is planning to issue a guide for proper eating that advises you to:

A. List your ten favorite foods.

B. List your five favorite beverages.

C. List all green vegetables that look like marsh grass, fur balls, or little trees.

D. List water.

E. Avoid A & B; eat only C; drink only D.

Dentist Bill Explanation

Dentist Office (Photo credit: icethim)

A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill.

“I’m shocked!” she complained. “This is three times what you normally charge.”

“Yes, I know,” said the dentist.

“But you screamed so loudly, you scared away two other patients.”

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