Your Funny, Clean Joke of the Day
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer‘s club by mistake.
The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.
“It ain’t so bad,” one crook noted. “We got $25 between us.”
The boss screamed, “I warned you to stay clear of lawyers! We had $100 when we broke in!”
A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander.
“Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them,” instructed the lawyer.
The witness hesitated. “But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear,” she protested.
“Then,” said the attorney, “just whisper them to the judge.”
“I’m a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed.”
Man: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
Bystander: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter.
Man: Oh, please forgive me, sir. I had no idea you were her father.
Bystander: I’m not. I’m her mother.
A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel and says, “Before I begin this trial, I have an announcement to make. The lawyer for the defense has paid me $15,000 to swing the case his way. The lawyer for the plaintiff has paid me $10,000 to swing the case her way. In order to make this a fair trial, I am returning $5,000 to the defense.”
Three gas station owners report for their first day in prison.
The prison guard asks one of them, “What are you in for?”
He replies, “The government says I charged customers more for my gasoline than other gas stations. I’m in for price gouging.”
The guard looks at the second man. “And you?”
He answers, “I charged less for my gasoline than everyone else. I’m in for anti-competitive pricing.”
A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow the family car. Pushed to the limit, the father asked his son why he thought “The Almighty” had given him two feet.
Without hesitation, the son replied, “That’s easy, one for the clutch and one for the accelator.”
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