- Don’t squat with your spurs on.
- Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.
- Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
- There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
- Never miss a good chance to shut up.
- Always drink upstream from the herd.
- If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
- The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If it just sits in your living room,
messes up your stuff,
eats your food,
uses your telephone,
takes your money,
and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.
- Alabama: At Least We’re not Mississippi
- Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t be Wrong!
- Arizona: Dehyd-rific!
- Arkansas: Litterasy Ain’t Everthing
- California: As Seen on TV
- Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother
- Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
- Delaware: Please Call Before Visiting So We Can Make Room
- Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
- Georgia: We Put the “Fun” in Fundamentalist Extremism