Your Funny, Clean Joke of the Day
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1. “How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?”
2. “Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too.”
3. “Just leave all the lights on … it makes the house look more cheery.”
4. “Let me smell that shirt — Yeah, it’s good for another week.”
5. “Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I’ll be glad to feed and walk him every day.”
You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.
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If mother always knows best, what happens when two mothers disagree?
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Throughout the centuries, mothers have been giving their children plenty of good advice and notable quotes. Here’s just a small sampling:
COLUMBUS’ MOTHER: “I don’t care what you’ve discovered, you still could have written!”
MICHELANGELO’S MOTHER: “Can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?”
A mother was dropping her son off at a friend’s house. She said to him, “Will you be good while Mommy’s gone?”
The boy replied, “If you give me a dollar!”
His mother shook her head and said to him, “Why can’t you be good for nothing like your father?!”
A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow the family car. Pushed to the limit, the father asked his son why he thought “The Almighty” had given him two feet.
Without hesitation, the son replied, “That’s easy, one for the clutch and one for the accelator.”
One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse‘s office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas.
“Why are you dressed like that?” I asked her.
“I told my son,” she explained, “that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I’ve come to spend the day with him!”
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