Eating Healthy

Healthy Breakfast (Photo credit: SummerTomato)Deciding to eat healthier breakfasts, bachelor John declared that oatmeal would now be his cereal of choice.

But after eating his first bowl, he told his married sister, “I hope I develop a taste for the stuff. It goes down real
rough.”

“Well,” she asked, “how long did you cook it?”

“You’re supposed to cook it?”

Calories That Don’t Count

List of U.S. state foods (Photo credit: Wikipedia)Dieting is a lot easier when you factor in recently determined calorie counting principles. The following are calories that don’t count:

CUSTOM MADE FOOD

Anything somebody made “just for you” must be eaten regardless of the calories because to do otherwise would be rude. But don’t worry, because the calories don’t count.

FOOD EATEN QUICKLY

If you are rushed through a meal, the entire meal doesn’t count. Conversely, if you have ordered something fattening and now regret it, you can minimize its calories by gulping it down.

Confused Smart Scale

2006_10_13 (Photo credit: DennisSylvesterHurd)The bathroom scale manufacturer was very proud of the new model being introduced at the trade fair.

“Listen to these features,” he announced to the gathering crowd. “It’s calibrated to one-one-hundredth of a pound; it can measure your height as well, in feet or meters; it gives you a readout via an LED or human-voice simulator; and that’s not all…”

“Very impressive,” interrupted a none-too-slender sales rep for a chain of home furnishings stores, “but before I place an order I’ll have to try it out.”