Your Funny, Clean Joke of the Day
One elderly lady was speaking to another on the phone after returning from a shopping trip.
“I just spent several hours observing teenagers who were hanging out at our local mall,” she said. “I came to the conclusion that many teenagers in America are living in poverty. Most of the young men I observed didn’t even own a belt; there was not one among the whole group.”
Jim’s doctor tells him he has only one day to live. When Jim goes home to share the bad news with his wife, she asks what he wants to do with the little bit of time he has left.
“All I want,” Jim tells his beloved wife, “is to spend my last few hours reliving our honeymoon.” Which is exactly what they did.
But after hours of blissful romance, she announces that she’s tired and wants to go to sleep.
A Highway Patrolman pulled a car over and told the driver that because he had been wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in the statewide safety competition.
“What are you going to do with the money?” asked the policeman.
“Well, I guess I’m going to get a driver’s license,” he answered.
“Oh, don’t listen to him,” yelled a woman in the passenger seat. “He’s a real smart-mouth when he’s been drinking.”
One rainy evening, my husband and I emerged from a restaurant only to find that he had locked the keys in the car. He insisted he could open the door with a wire coat hanger, so we went back to the restaurant to get one. There were none to be found.
He then ran to a department store a quarter-mile away and returned with a hanger. After a few attempts, he got the door open and we climbed in. As we sat there, soaked and cold, he stuck the hanger under his seat.
One night at about 3am my wife was getting up from the toilet to return to bed when she heard a little noise. It was a suspiciously rodent like sound that seemed to be right in the bathroom with her.
She, of course, froze and listened attentively for any further sign of invaders. After a moment, satisfied that she was alone, she took a step for the door. Rodent scratchy sounds again! She froze, not breathing. Silence. Her heart beat fast as she once again tried to retreat from the bathroom.
The Manhattan Commuter train was packed. Suddenly there was a jingle on the floor. Most necks were craned. One elderly gentleman, however, bent down and picked something up. He then asked, “Did anyone drop a half dollar?”
“I did,” answered three men at once.
“Well,” said the elderly gent with a smile, “here’s a dime of it.”
A local barber shop installed a new robotic barber to take some off the pressure off the owner.
A fellow came in for a haircut and after being told about the “new barber” decided he would give it a try.
As the robot began to cut his hair, it asked the man, “What’s your IQ, sir?”
“143,” the man replied.
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