Your Funny, Clean Joke of the Day
Five years after my wife, Julia, and I were married, we received our final wedding gift – an ice-cream maker. In an attempt to cover procrastination with humor, the friend who sent it included a note: “I wanted to make sure the marriage would last.”
Julia wasn’t amused, but she thought the present deserved a thank-you note anyway, which she dutifully sent five years later.
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, “If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.”
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.
A man complains to a friend, “I can’t take it anymore.”
“What’s wrong?” his concerned friend asks.
“It’s my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!”
“You mean hysterical,” his friend said, chuckling.
“No, I mean HISTORICAL,” the man insists. “Every argument we have, she’ll go “I still remember that time when you ….”
The adult Sunday school class was discussing formal and informal prayer, when one man remarked, “I do some of my best praying while I’m driving.”
In a quiet voice, the man‘s wife agreed, “I, too, do my best praying while you’re driving.”
One night at about 3am my wife was getting up from the toilet to return to bed when she heard a little noise. It was a suspiciously rodent like sound that seemed to be right in the bathroom with her.
She, of course, froze and listened attentively for any further sign of invaders. After a moment, satisfied that she was alone, she took a step for the door. Rodent scratchy sounds again! She froze, not breathing. Silence. Her heart beat fast as she once again tried to retreat from the bathroom.
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pigpen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the following week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
“Let’s have a party, Fred,” she suggested. “Let’s slaughter a pig.”
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. “Gee, Hazel,” he finally answered, “I don’t see why a pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.”
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into the wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan and open the casket to find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years until she dies again.
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